My Triumph Over Comfort Food

As I was driving back from the rock climbing gym today, the most powerful craving for a certain comfort food nearly knocked me out of my car. This craving was for the Del Taco veggie burrito, with no cheese or sour cream, with del inferno hot sauce and a carton of icy orange juice. I turned into a ravenous robot and directed my car automatically towards Del Taco. When I got about a block away I realized that I didn't have my wallet with me, so i abruptly turned around to go back for it. As I was driving back to my apartment I remembered an article I read, just yesterday. It was about comfort foods, why we eat them, what they do for (to) us, and how we can avoid them. I didn't remember anything specific about the article, but it really drew my attention to WHY I could possibly be craving this thick, hot, juicy, heavy-in-your-stomach, burrito. The feeling I pinpointed was nostalgia. It reminded me of an earlier time in my life. I said to myself "Self, why are you craving the past when you could be creating the present and shaping the future!" So I decided to go grocery shopping instead. I went to my favorite store, a farmer's market, and walked around the organic produce, trying to put something together in my mind. Suddenly all my creative juices started flowing (or were they my stomach juices? I don't know) and I scurried around throwing this and that into my bag, becoming more and more excited about what I was about to make. I bought tomatoes, collard leaves, carrots, sunflower seeds, avocados, alfalfa sprouts, poppy seed dressing, and mint leaves. I will now tell what I created with all these delicious, fresh ingredients.


(That head of lettuce in the background is superfluous. I thought I was going to use it, but ended up not. It's really cool though. It still has its roots attached, so it's technically still 'alive'.)

I first chopped up the tomato, avocado, and carrots. Then I cut a collard leave in half, de-veining it, if you will. I put the tomato, avocado, carrots, and alfalfa sprouts on the bottom third of the leaf, then sprinkled it with sunflower seeds and some poppyseed dressing, just enought to kind of hold everything together. I also threw on some fresh mint leaves and a little bit of sea salt. Then I rolled everything up in the leaf and chowed down! I compared the way I felt afterwards to the way I have felt in the past after eating the veggie burrito, and the difference was very apparent, as you can well imagine.



It was delicious. I was glad I made that choice.

Take a Ride on the Soul Train

During my very first semester at BYU (summer of '07) I took a class called Intro to Philosophy. Near the end of the semester we started talking about 'the soul'. What is a 'soul'? Is it the spirit of somebody? Is it an all-encompassing personality? Well of course we never came to any one conclusion. There is no such thing as any one conclusion in philosophy. I came up with my own idea and wrote my final paper on it. I got a B+, I think. The following paragraph is MY understanding of souls and the way they work and interact with each other.

Our souls are living. They have substance that we can't See or feel because that substance is in some other dimension, i.e. behind the veil. Our souls envelop us and radiate outside of our physical bodies. This is what some people refer to as "aura". Now, what exactly shapes our souls and makes them what they are today? Our souls start out pure and clear and innocent. When we come into close proximity with any other person's soul or aura, they mix and mingle and share themselves with each other. We, in a sense, become a part of whoever we interact with through our "soul sharing". This explains the feeling of empathy. We are a part of everyone and every person is a part of us, so we can feel each other. But that is a topic for some other blog!

Like I said, that is all my interpretation of souls and what they are and how they grow and become "us". Now what do the scriptures say? Jacob 2:8 mentions "the pleasing word of God, yea, the word which healeth the wounded soul." This leads me to believe that, yes indeed, the soul is living and can feel and be wounded and healed. Enos 1:4 says "my soul hungered". Another indication that the soul is living and needs care. Omni 1:26- "offer your whole souls as an offering unto Him" we can give of our souls and share with Christ and others. We need to be consciously offering our souls to God, sharing all of our experiences with Him. If we pour out our souls to God he will, in turn, fill us with HIS soul, or the light of Christ. King Benjamin "labor[ed] with faculty of his whole soul" (Words of Mormon 1:18) to establish peace in the land. He shared of his love and wisdom and peace and helped shape the souls of all who were in the land.

The Old Testament word for soul is "nephesh". This is translated in 31 ways in the Bible, with "life" being the most occuring translation. Other translations include myself, pleasure, appetite, ghost, dead body, creature, one, and person. It is very interesting that one word can be translated to 'life' and 'dead body'. This is explained by the root of the word 'nephesh' which is 'to breathe'. A dead body once breathed. Our souls live and breathe. (w.c. 5.)

I believe that the word "soul" is very much misused in our language today. It is more than our eternal spirit or personality or body or memory. It is all of that combined that lives forever, perhaps reincarnating to grow from more experiences in different circumstances. I know that our souls are exactly 'us' and we can be who we want to be if we associate with other souls who have already reached whatever plane we would like to be on. We, in turn, must help others reach their 'soul goals' by sharing our souls with them and accepting theirs.

Works Cited
1. Jacob 2:5 (Book of Mormon)
2. Enos 1:4 (Book of Mormon)
3. Omni 1:26 (Book of Mormon)
4. Words of Mormon 1:18 (Book of Mormon)
5. http://www.pickle-publishing.com/papers/soul-and-spirit.htm
6. picture from http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/26/science/26soul.html

Raw Food Experimentation

My mother nags me at least once a week to blog something, anything. I've been busy with school and work and other collegiate activities but she still thinks that I have all the time in the world to blog, just like her. (For those who read this and know my mother know that I just made an untruthful statement.) Anyways- this past month I recently converted to vegetarianism minus eggs and dairy. I've really seen an improvement in my energy levels and thinking processes. A friend of mine and I also try to prepare a couple of "raw food" meals every week. "Raw" pretty much means it's not cooked or heated over about 104F degrees so as to preserve the natural enzymes and living things in the food. Raw food is also packed with energy and the flavors are really potent.

So last night my friend and I were about to start preparing our food when I remembered that I had fervently promised my mother I would document every single step and blog it, so I busted out the camera and we got to work. We get our recipes from a book called "Ani's Raw Food Kitchen" by Ani Phyo. It's an excellent book, with good recipes for beginning "raw foodists" and also tips for healthy living.



Stuffed Anaheim Chilies with Mole Sauce
Ingredients:
Chilies:
4 Anaheim chili peppers
4 TBSP extra virgin olive oil
1 batch Black-Pepper Cheeze (not to be confused with 'cheese' the dairy product.)

Black Pepper Cheeze:
2 cups cashews
Juice of 2 lemons- about 4 TBSP
3 cloves of garlic (We noticed that she usually uses WAY too much garlic for us, so we changed this to one clove. Feel free to be brave and use all three)
1/2 tsp ground black pepper
1 tsp sea salt
1/4 cup water



Mole Sauce:
1/4 tsp dried chipotle (we couldn't find any, so we just used chili powder)
1 TBSP pitted dates
1 1/2 TBSP carob powder
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1/3 cup extra virgin olive oil
1 1/2 stalks of celery, chopped
1/2 tomato, chopped
1/4 tsp sea salt
2 TBSP water, as needed



We made the black pepper cheeze first. Combine cashews, lemon juice, garlic, pepper, and salt in a food processor adding water as needed to make a smooth, creamy texture. It took us a little bit longer to do this step, because the food processor we used was tiny. We had to do it in two batches. Set aside for now.





I then made the mole sauce. To make the mole sauce, simply throw the chipotle (chili powder in our case), dates, carob powder, cinnamon, olive oil, celery, tomato, sea salt and a little bit of the water in the blender and blend until it's smooth.



While I was making this he was slicing the chilies lengthwise, and taking out the seeds. If you want a pretty good spicy kick, leave in a few of the seeds. Remember not to touch your face for a while after doing this.



After everything is deseeded, processed, and blended, stuff the chilies with the black pepper cheeze and drizzle the mole sauce on top. Make sure you have a glass of something cold and soothing to chase it down in case it's too spicy.





These were super good, very spicy and the flavors were bold. My favorite taste was the cheeze stuffing inside the chilies. I actually used some of the extra cheeze to spread on a piece of bread to dull the spiciness. It was great.

Bethany 101

So, in the past week or two I have been VERY aware of myself and have learned SO much about ME. Here are some of the things that stood out to my about myself the most in the past couple weeks...

1. The REAL reason I love to sleep is not because I reengerize or because I'm tired, but because I LOVE to dream. It's so exciting wondering what I'll dream about next, and I really NEVER know, because dreams are so random!


2. If something bothers me that someone does, I don't hold it in. If it's a complete stranger I won't confront them, maybe if I'm in the confines of my car and they are in theirs I will, but generally I just confront them in my head, but I don't ignore it and try to "deal" with it. If it's someone I know, I will lovingly and calmly tell them what they have done to annoy me and how they can prevent from doing it in the future.


3. I go through extremes of self-esteem and how I see myself. One day I'll be driving around in my baby, listening to my favorite music with my aviator glasses and my purple fohawked hair and I will think to myself: I am soooo cool. Whoever doesn't know me is missing out. The next day, I'll be wondering why this or that person was willing to spend so much time with me or go out of their way to do something nice for me, because I feel like I'm not good enough, or don't deserve it.


4. I love collecting DVDs. I just bought nine new ones. My problem, though, is that I'll see a whole bunch of DVDs for only 7 or 9 dollars and I'll think "hey! that's cheap!" but then I end up buying 5 or 6 of them and it really adds up...


5. I love looking at and handling electronics, car parts or accessories, and tools. Recently, I have decided to start learning about my own car and doing the work on it myself, because I'm tired of auto shops taking advantage of my ignorance and making me pay through the nose for a job I could easily do myself for less than 5 bucks, if I only knew how. I LOVE going to places like Auto Zone and just looking. I could look at that stuff for hours! The same with Radio Shack. I also just bought a tool box and wrench set, which I am VERY excited about!



6. I'm becoming more like my mother everyday. Sometimes this is scary, because she is becoming more like my Grandpa everyday...(just kidding Grandpa, you have plenty of characteristics that I can only wish I had...your generosity and words of wisdom are only the tip of the iceberg)



7. The most important thing I've learned in this short period of only a couple weeks is that I have the power to choose happiness for myself. I have been in a bad funk for the past couple months and I was reluctant to change, but when I DID decide to change, all it took was for me to say to myself "Just be happy!" Hopefully I'll be able to continue using that strategy for the rest of my life.

I've Been Tagged...

So my mom tagged me. I'm supposed to complete some ritual of doing the tag itself, posting the rules, tagging SIX others, and linking them. However. I don't feel like doing all that, so I will just do my thing and be on my way.
I'm supposed to write six quirky/boring things about myself.

1. For the past year, my hair hasn't been the same for more than two months...








...and those are just a handful of the stages I've gone through.

2. I love faeries...



3. ...and instruments.



I only really play the guitar, but for some strange reason, I own all of those.

4. I have a tutu, which I sometimes wear, just for fun.



5. One time I bought a rat illegally (well, the purchase itself wasn't illegal, they just aren't allowed in my apartment) and the next day it had 12 or 13 babies. I never was really able to come up with one conclusive number. There were a lot.



6. I have a purple mohawk (like a rocker), I wear sweats and a t-shirt (like an athlete), I walk with a slight limp to one side (like a cholo), I wear colors that don't match (like a punk), I love choir and drama (like a nerd), and I have a strange, strong love to my car (like a teenage boy).

Running and My Birthday

I might put some pictures up later. The thing isn't working right now.

So my mother keeps bugging me to put up a new post, but really, nothing ever happens to me that is post worthy, and I don't have her creative genius, nor do I have tips on how to clean or dress children.

For the past month and a half I have been exercising everyday. I started out jumping rope and "Skipping It". After a week or two of that, I graduated to Tae Bo. Everybody should know Billy Blanks and his Tae Bo videos. He is an old childhood friend of mine: my mom used to make me do Tae Bo for "P.E." when I was homeschooled. After two or three weeks of doing Tae Bo, I decided it's time for me to start running. My inspiration comes from my cousin, Troy. He even gave me some great running gear for my birthday. (Thanks dude.) I'm starting out running 30 minutes everyday for 30 days. The first couple days were killer, because I have NEVER run before. After that though, I was able to run longer and walk less. I didn't start to feel tired as soon. So I've been running for about a week and a half now.

On Monday, I decided that I would run to the city next to Provo (Orem). It's really not too far away, only a couple miles. I started running at about 8:40 at night, thinking I had plenty of daylight left to run there and back. After 30 minutes of running though, I started to feel some explosive diarrhea coming on. I was far away from anyplace where I could use a bathroom. Also it was starting to get dark, and earlier that very day, I had told my mom and grandpa that I won't run in the dark. I knew that there was a 'Will's Pit Stop' coming up soon, but I couldn't remember for the life of me if it was a gas station or just an automotive repair shop. I kept on running, actually kind of limping, trying not to let anything out of my intestines, hoping with all my might that Will's Pit Stop had a bathroom. It did! I ran into the bathroom and there was a lady in there, cleaning. I felt sorry for what she would have to do when I was done in there. So she left and I sat on the toilet, but nothing came out. I knew that there was something in there though, and was afraid that it might surprise me later, so I sat there a little longer. Still, nothing. That lucky lady.

I didn't have my cell phone with me, so I asked the guy behind the counter for a phonebook and a phone. I called a member of my bishopric and asked him to call someone to come pick me up, I told him that I didn't want to run in the dark, and that was the reason, but in my mind the explosive diarrhea still lingered, waiting to pounce.

So some guy from my church came to pick me up. I assured him that I could easily run back, I wasn't too tired, I just didn't want to be abducted. He told me that if I wasn't so good looking I wouldn't have to worry about it. He's right.

So since I've started working out and restricting my calorie intake, I've lost the ten pounds that I gained! I also found out that my body fat is 21% which isn't great, but it's not as bad as I thought it would be.

Yesterday was my birthday. A friend took me out to lunch and it was very nice. Afterwards I went home, bleached the top of my mohawk, and then dyed it purple. It looks pretty cool, but I think I'm going to bleach out a little more and have more purple, so that it will be a little more noticeable. After that, I just hung out at the mall, by myself. I bought some super sweet sunglasses, the kind that my dad used to wear, except they are silver, not black. I don't know why I bought them, I ALWAYS lose sunglasses. Lets see how long these last. I then went to Coldstone Creameries and asked them for some free ice cream, because it was my birthday. They obliged. I'm technically supposed to print off some registration thing from the internet to get the birthday ice cream, but they were cool about it.

When I got home I got ready to go to Institue. It was really good. It always is. I tried to sit by myself in the back, looking as mean as possible, with my new shades and purple hair, but people still sat with me. I'm not complaining, I'm just surprised. After Institute I went to my old apartment and hung out with my old roomies. They took me to Coldstone and I got some more ice cream. I was very tempted to tell them it was my birthday and ask for it free, because it was a different Coldstone, but I decided not to. My roommate was paying anyways.

We went back to the apartments and sat on the grass and ate ice cream. When we were done we still sat out there, and they informed every passer-by that it was my birthday. I hadn't really told anyone. One of the passers-by, a girl named Lindsey, came back with a bowl of ice cream and candles for me. Yay ice cream. I forced it down.

That is all I have to say. It's kind of a lot to read, sorry, or whatever.

ME according to Google

my life according to google
Type in the following and choose from the first page.


1: Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search:
"Bethany needs to hack her hair and lose a little more weight..."

2: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search:
"This is what the name "Bethany" looks like in Japanese:. "Bethany" in Japanese characters. It is pronounced 'BESANII'"

3: Type in "[your name] does" in Google search:
"Bethany does Whitney Houstons 'I Will Always Love You'"

4: Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search:
"Bethany (hates mashed potatoes!)"

5: Type in "[your name] goes" or "..has gone" in Google search:
"Bethany goes psycho"

6: Type in "[your name] loves" in Google search:
"Bethany loves carnage"

7.Type in "{your name} eats" in Google search:
"To be perfectly frank the display of what she eats in a day didn't seem that excessive to me, but the problem is Bethany eats it day in, day out and has ..."

8: Type in "[your name] has" in Google search:
"bethany [has a new last name]"

9:Type in "[your name] died" in Google search:
"Bethany Brannock died of head trauma on June 18, 2003. Andre Clifton, 25, who was the boyfriend of Bethany's mother, Leatrice "Leanne" Brannock, ..."

10: Type in "[your name] will" in Google search:
"Bethany will work with you to select a stable, loving family to care for your baby. After birth, you can choose to see your baby, name your baby, ..."


11:Type "[your name] is" in Google search:
"Bethany is a city in Oklahoma County, Oklahoma, United States, and a part of the Oklahoma City metropolitan area. The population was 20307 at the 2000 ...


12: Type "[your name] was" in Google search:
"May 11, 2007 ... Let’s now look at the Lord’s first encounter with Bethany as it is recorded ..... Bethany as it relates to the Lord’s heart for His church. ...

13:Type "[your name] has not" in Google search:
"Bethany has been dubbed a “musical medium”, crossing genres and time, and in re-inventing these deeply American songs, Bethany has not only taken them into ...

14:Type "[your name] took" in Google search:
" Bethany took baby Jesus and was walking around chewing on his head. Gramma Candy says Bet may run into some trouble when she gets to the pearly gates. ...

15:Type "[your name] smiles" in Google search:
" “Her gills are drying out,” added her father, Tom, with a smile. Bethany couldn’t wait to see the doctor the next day. Not to get her 19 stitches removed, ...


16:Type "[your name] buried" in Google search:
"Oh, the hilarity, Bunny jumped into the ballpool and Bethany buried her with balls, pretending she was burying her on the beach. ...


17:Type "[your name] ran" in Google search:
"Bethany ran a 16.68 in the 100H at 2008 Allstate Sugar Bowl Track and Field ... Bethany ran a 9.65 in the 55H at LHSAA Indoor State Meet, placing 6th. ...


18:Type "[your name] gave" in Google search:
"For example, when the class started working with colored blocks to learn new addition and subtraction facts, Bethany gave up quickly, saying, "I can't do it ...

19:Type "[your name] said" in Google search:
"it's like what bethany said... "we are all like light switches...guys are the kind that can switch on and off just like that, but girls...girls are dimmers. ...

20:Type "[your name] quit" in Google search:
"Bethany! Quit avoiding me already! Hope all is going well and you aren't drowing under work...I was talking to a friend from work about you the other ...

Just a Random Adventure

Yesterday night I was with one of my old roommates (Coryse). She wanted Subway so we drove to a Subway down the street. It was about 10 minutes to 9:00 when we pulled up, and it was closed! I read the sign on the door that said "Closed due to lack of bread". It was ridiculous. We didn't give up that easily though! We drove a little further to a Subway right next to campus. When we arrived we got out of the car and were excited to see the lights on and a couple customers inside. We both pushed at the doors and were sad to find that the doors were locked! I checked my phone and it was 9:03, and the sign on the door informed us that they locked it at 9:00. We stood outside for a minute, staring at the two employees with sad faces, but they pointedly ignored us. Coryse and I walked dejectedly back to the car and I waited for her to dig through her pit-of-death purse looking for her keys. I looked longingly towards the smelly food establishment and observed one of the customers unlock the door and leave with his half eaten sandwich.
"Coryse." I said, pointing as the door swung shut.
We looked at each other, then bolted out of the car and ran suspiciously through the recently unlocked doors of Subway. As we tripped inside, the male worker put up his hand but Coryse and I both looked up at the menu simultaneously as if we didn't see him. The female worker went behind the counter and grudgingly asked us what we were having. As she made our sandwich she had a hushed though very obvious conversation with the male worker.
"I should have just ran and locked the door after that guy left!" he exclaimed loudly hushed. "I should be meaner!" Then he banged his way into the back room leaving us with the midly amused girl, who we watched carefully, making sure she didn't let saliva fall into Coryse's sandwich. Coryse and I were able to hold ourselves together until we were out the door. Those poor Subway workers must have hated us. I'm not gonna lie, I would have hated us as well. Even though I didn't get a sandwich and came out smelling like processed cheese and stale bread it was totally worth it. I was proud of our stealthiness.

My Mother Wants Me To Waste My Time

Tagged by my Mother.

Tag! 20 Random Questions...
1. Where were you born? The Pass
2. Where would you live if you would live anywhere? East Coast
3. What's you're favorite book? no favorite
4. What brand of make-up do you use? none
5. What do you do to cool down when you are mad? shop for kitchen appliances, punch the wall, sit on the couch and fume
6. Favorite quality in you're significant other? if I had one I would know
7. Do you play an instrument? piano, violin, guitar
8. Have you ever had braces? nope
9. Do you have a birthmark? yes, i have three on my left leg
10. What's you're favorite indulgence? any kind of ice cream
11. What was the last movie you watched? Win a Date With Ted Hamiliton I think
12. Who is a good friend you've lost touch with? Shelby Johnson
13. Favorite place you've vacationed? Puerto Vallarta
14. Do you know a foreign language? I understand most Spanish but I don't speak it. and I can say 'Run!' and 'Hurry!' in German.
15. Do you like your handwriting? Yes.
16. What was the last piece of mail you opened? a letter from the VA telling me I owe them money
17. What's the most random article in your purse? i don't carry a purse
18. Have you ever flown 1st class? yes, that's what happens when you fly with John
19. Are you still friends with your ex's? yes
20. What is something random about yourself? i'm a hopeless romantic
I Tag...REID AND KYLA

A Break Through!

Today I had a breakthrough with one of the ladies I work with! We'll call her Lottie. For the past 4 weeks every Tuesday I go to her house by 6:30am, wake her up, make her breakfast and take her to the bus stop by 7:20. She hates my guts. I call her before I leave to wake her up and usually she just tells me to shut up and hangs up on me. Then when I get there it takes me 10 or 15 minutes to get her out of bed and even more time to get her to tell me what she wants for breakfast. I sometimes have to ask her where things are and she yells at me and tells me that we (her staff) treat her like a child and I get it back from her. I dread Tuesdays. It's so hard to start my day out like that, it negatively affects the rest of my day.
Today I called Lottie to wake her up and warn her of my upcoming presence. Here is how our conversation went
her: "YES??!!"
me: "Good morning Lottie! This is Bethany and I just wanted to tell you to rise and shine to get ready for work, and I'll be there in a couple minutes!"
her: "YES!" (in an annoyed, mean way, not excitedly)
me: hang up.
So I get there and she's still in bed so I call her name several times and warn her that she only has 40 minutes to get ready for work.
"DAMNIT!" she exclaims as the throws her legs over the side of the bed and glares at me. I hand her her Prevacid that she needs to take 30 minutes before breakfast and ask her what she wants me to make her.
"I don't know!!"
So I leave her room.
When she comes into the kitchen she starts making her own breakfast. She eats in silence, both of us sitting at the table not looking at each other. Then she gets up and starts packing her lunch. Then she starts TALKING to me! She told me all about her new water bottle and her ceramics that she paints and all her first prize ribbons. My mind was blown by this time, she has never talked so much to me. THEN to my utter amazement, she starts asking me about MYSELF!! She asked what I do now that schools out and about the places I've been. Then she told me a funny story about her being on a cruise and walking like she was drinking booze. She LAUGHED and SMILED. Everytime she turned her back I pumped my fist and silently shouted for joy. We walked out to my car and she was talking about her rose bush and how roses are her favorite flower. We get in the car and she looks at me and says "Did you color your hair?"
"Yes I did!" (black)
"Omigosh! I didn't recognize you, but I remembered your car!"
That comment leads me to believe that the only reason she was nice to me was because she didn't realize that I was the same girl she's hated this whole past month! Hopefully she remembers that she can be nice to me, and I can be nice to her! It's a good day.
Except one thing. So I've had a lot of time on my hands lately and I decided that I should use it to help other people. So I've been praying to have opportunites to help others.
So I came back from work at about 8:30 this morning and as I was walking to my apartment I saw a girl sitting on the steps looking very sad. I said a cheery hello and continued up the stairs to my apartment. When I was inside I looked out the window and saw her still sitting there. I felt that I should go out and talk to her. As I was walking to the door I thought "should I get a breath mint or something?" I hesitated, ran to my room and got a breath mint and went back outside. The girl was gone. I felt really bad, if only I had just gone outside when I thought about it and not worried about a breath mint (my breath wasn't bad, it's just a comfort for me). I hope whatever was wrong with her will be resolved, or that I will get the chance to talk to her again.
I've been exercising with my jump rope and skip-it everyday! My calves are SO SORE!! I'm flushing out all my sad chemicals though, and it feels great!

A Different Type of Shopaholic

So I have a weird disease. Whenever I get depressed or feel really lonely I go shopping. I guess this is normal for most girls, but I don't go clothes shopping or make-up shopping or purse shopping. I go kitchen appliance/gadget/home decor shopping. I feel more and more like my mother every time this happens. That isn't a bad thing by any means. I just remember a year ago her and I went shopping for stuff for my apt and I HATED it and was very impatient and mean. Now it's all that makes me feel better. I just got back from Wal-Mart (I know, lame) and I spent just under $100 dollars. In addition to everything in the pictures below I also purchased a shower caddy, trash can for the bathroom, and a toilet paper roll holder. I keep wondering what I'm going to do when I move into a smaller apartment with five times as many people as I live with now. I wonder about it for three seconds then give in to the need I have to buy all that I buy. I bought the jump rope and skip it because on wednesday I realized that I have gained 10 pounds in the last month. Stupid boy, ruining my life!



I got that dish set for only $15!!! It was quite the steal...



Good bye, evil ten pounds! I can't exercise regularly, it's just not fun or motivating for me; but I like to jump rope, and the Skip-It is awesome, and I play Four Square all the time! Next time I have money, I think I'll buy a pogo stick...

One other thing that made me very happy was listening to my little sister, Claire, laughing her head off on the phone today. She was laughing at something that Reid was doing. There is nothing like the laughter of a child that puts a smile on anyones face!

Could You Please Verify This Dead Body?

You know when you have to verify something online and they make you type in the strewn combination of letters and/or numbers, just to make sure you're a real human and not some kind of intracomputeral droid? Does anybody else feel like they didn't learn to recognize the alphabet when you do this? I was trying to comment on my aunt's blog and I had to type it in 4 times, a different pattern of symbols everytime I got it wrong. Then it starts to trick you. Is that an 'h'? Or is it a squished together 'l' and 'n'? Is that a '5' or an 's'? 'W' or two 'v's? You start to lose faith in what you learned in kindergarten and what you've taken with you your whole life. It's ridiculous. Probably some kind of government plot to make us susceptible to brainwashing by lowering our morale like that.


Anyways. Yesterday I went to Barnes and Noble. My mission: find the greatest, saddest, most awe-inspiring, odd-defying love story ever written. I was there for two and a half hours reading the backs and inside cover flaps of every book. I didn't find ANYTHING that struck my fancy, so I bought an Italian soda and mourned my wasted time. I'm going back today, but not to find that unwritten love story. I'm going to buy a book called "Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach." (and yes I know it's supposed to be underlined, but there is no underline button) It's about all the things they do with cadavers, and it even has a chapter detailing the decomposition of a human body. I've read it before and I loved it.


Don't you love when you go to a church meeting and you hear EXACTLY what you needed to hear? You feel as if the meeting was tailored to precisely what you are going through in life. That happened to me at Institue yesterday. It doesn't make sense to write down the things we were talking about, because I just tried that and I sounded crazy. Just know that I heard what I needed to hear.

Right then. Good day.

My New Project...

Ok everyone! I took Ben and Ayrel's idea, and I have made a book. It is a book of poetry and prose. And I DO have a two dollar profit, just so you know, if you buy it! It's about 21 dollars which is definitely not cheap but if you are so inclined, you should buy it. Or I could even take off the profit margin and you can get it 2 dollars cheaper. Which may or may not make YOU cheap. Just kidding. Here's the link for it.

Mind's Eye

Poetry of a Girl ~...

By Bethany Cox

Yes I wrote everything and took every picture.

Drooling Caramel

Ok, it's time to stop grieving and to try to move on in my life. It's been three weeks. Or four. I don't really know anymore. Sitting on my butt all day will definitely NOT help ANYTHING. EVER. Hopefully the rules that I have composed will help push me to be more active and less disgusting. I am gaining weight, my brain is rotting, and I am becoming increasingly depressed. I need to do something about it, because I have the power, and why waste that? Why waste me? So here goes:

*No eating out more than twice a week

*Only $50 a paycheck is allotted to "spending money".

*For every junk food eaten, two healthy servings must be eaten beforehand.

*No sleeping past ten on the days I don't work.

*Only one hour of TV a day.

*After every 45 minutes consecutively spent on the computer I must walk OUTSIDE for at least ten minutes and try to think of something productive to do.

*Go climbing at least twice a week

*Go to the temple at least once a week

So, now everyone knows my new life rules and can support me and help me out. Sweeeet.

It's the end of May, and I am still wearing a sweater outside. Supposedly it will be warming up on Tuesday. Utah.

And gas is $3.85. Middle Easterners.

Today I decided that I wanted to make a milkshake (I'm not starting "The Rules" until next week), so I got off the couch, threw ice cream, milk, and vanilla in the blender. Then I thought, 'what the heck, I'll add more sugar'. I poured the sugar straight from the bag and lost control. EASILY I poured 3/4-1 cup of sugar in the blender. I drank it anyways and it was really intense. I'm not sure I've ever had anything so sugary enter my body. I'm on a sugar high right now.

Broken

BROKEN

Walk in on my life, to things you would rather not see.

I am broken, all over the dirty floor.

Before you came, he was here

Loving me

Missing me

Holding me

Dancing me

Into oblivion

I fell asleep in his warm, strong, comforting

arms

For only one second,

but it was one second too long.

When I woke he was changed.

It wasn't even him.

It was a monster.

The monster tore me apart, ripping sinews and muscles.

It pulled every bone from every socket and every joint was burned away.

It didn't touch my eyes though

It wanted me to see what was happening.

When it was through, it held one of my dismembered hands and apologized.

It walked away.

Now you see all my pieces, strewn across everywhere

Still loving him

Still missing him

Still reaching out to hold him

Twitching in some morbid dance.

Waiting for him to glue me back together.

But my perfect eyes can see out the window

and he has forgotten me.

So Let Us Speak Of...

...awkwardness.

As most of you know, I recently had a very sad break up (well it was sad for me at least, apparently he's doing fine). I haven't really talked to him, once or twice or thrice, just cordial conversation. Yesterday I went to a ward activity by myself, because my roommates were in Vegas (did I mention that they didn't invite me?). I wasn't looking forward to socializing by myself, but I decided that I needed to.

So I get there a little late, and it seems that everyone is broken up into groups. I ask to be randomly placed in a group and by the time I get in there and the door is shut behind me, it's too late. There he is! Don't get me wrong, I have no bitter feelings towards him, it's just very sad for me to be around him.

So here is the activity: our group was given a slip of paper with a book and a movie title written on it. Our mission: write a skit to combine the two. Our slip had Pride and Prejudice and Spiderman on it. They decided that Mr. Collins (a very awkward man who doesn't know when to stop trying to court someone) would try to court Mary Jane. Guess who got assigned these two parts? You guessed it. Joe (that is his name, in case you, the reader, don't know) was Mr. Collins and I was little Mary Jane. During the whole skit he was leaning on me and talking to me and touching my arm. It was torture. I had a fun part though, I got to shun him, put my hand in his face, and say things like "I'd rather die" and "Please leave me alone". Again, it was torture.

Afterwards I tried to make small talk with him, I had two stories to tell him that I knew he would appreciate. He laughed politely and then excused himself to the refreshment table. Whatever. Then the guy who had assigned us to those parts came up to me and started apologizing profusely, telling me that he didn't realize his mistake until afterwards, but thanking me for being a good sport. I forgave him. On the outside.

Awkward moments are my life.

Today at work, on of the guys I work with, who has Down Syndrome and one time put me on a guilt trip for drinking coffee, told me that he likes me a lot and asked me if I would like to go to the movies with him. I am not sure that I am allowed to do that. I don't know if I WOULD do that, because I am morally not allowed to lead on a man with a mental disablility. Regular men, yes. Down Syndrome man, no. Just kidding. I don't play games, EVER.

Mind's Eye

Here are a couple poems. More to come later. I'm too lazy right now to format them in the way that I want them to be. The first is from 4 or 5 years ago. The others are from a week ago. Enjoy.

LUST

A dark, unfathomed tide

Of interminable pride-

A mystery and a dream,

Should my present life seem.

I say that dream was fraught

With the soul that had been bought

By his lust, not love, for me.

He who had never been

Humble.

A hypocrite and a liar,

His conceited glory rising higher

Than I can reach.

I had hoped he would teach me,

And understand my dreams, though dim.

But my soul had been bought

By his lust, not love, for me.

He, whom I had truly loved.

NO TITLE

Dream and Reality drift together

Like mist and smoke:

Harmless and deadly.

I live and breathe both,

But my lungs are turning black,

And my eyes glaze over and sting.

NOSTALGIA

Memories are precious and evil.

When time comes back to haunt me

There is no escape.

Ghosts of tender love

Whisper sweet nothings to broken ears.

Shadows of grief lurk in the corner,

Waiting to pounce on happier times

And snuff out the light.

Monsters with bloody mouths and covered ears

Hide under the bed, waiting for night

To claw at my mind.

So It Begins...

After two weeks of sitting in the corner of my very uncomfortable couch, watching Law and Order whilst bemoaning my recently updated relationship status, I have decided to let the whole world know of my woes and triumphs. Hopefully keeping a blog will be incentive for me to get out of my apartment and do exciting things so that I can write about them.

So what has been going on in my life? Right now I am NOT taking classes. I do have a job though. I work for a company called TriConnections. It is a community for elderly people with mental disabilites. I'm sure that many of my posts will include the antics of the characters I work with. For example, one lady I work with has "kids" who she talks to all night long while I try to get her to sleep. One morning, after a long night of pleading with her, so that I might also get a wink, she walks up to me and, in a very piteous manner, asks me for a hug, because her kids were calling her names. I couldn't resist.

Today I applied for a second job at Barnes and Noble Booksellers, Inc. If I get all the hours that I requested (well, if I get the job at all), I will be working about 50+ hours a week. I am excited. (That comment may or may not have been very sarcastic.) Hopefully I get the job, because it has been my working-life-long dream to work there.